Mute Friend
February 13
Why did you begin your book like that?!
Forgive my manners. I’m Anna and honestly, I enjoyed every page of your book. After the first chapter, of course. Do you realize that many people must have dropped that book after failing to read through the first chapter? Too much gruesome detail if you ask me, but isn’t that the reality of life?
Tomorrow, I must read the eulogy I wrote for my uncle who passed away two weeks ago. It was almost impossible to write it, I don’t know how I’m going to read it. I could have always said something offhand, you know. He raised me. I could go on and on about him for days, but I think that’ll be more appropriate for a book, or a diary, so I had to pick the best memories and words for the limited time I get to speak.
He was the only father and mother I had. I’m now an orphan, officially.
Anyway, wish me luck.
February 14
What did your Valentine’s Day look like? I should have bought some roses for my uncle, but it was too late when I remembered. I had only planned to mourn all day.
How do people feel just before they draw their last breath? I didn’t get to see him die. I think that is good, but my curious mind thinks not. It seems he didn’t want me to see him die either, that was why he asked me to get him his wedding ring. That was weird. It was the first time I heard anything about a ring or wedding from him. Tell me then, when the time comes, do people really know they’re going to die the next minute?
By the way, there was actually never a marriage. I know he lived with some woman for a while, but that was before I was born. So, obviously, I didn’t find the ring. Turns out this man tricked me even with his last breath. For some reason, I feel there is a ring regardless, but I am yet to find it.
February 16
It’s funny that you wrote only one book. You are such a genius, what then did you do with the rest of your imagination?
Would you like to know more about me? Do you still remember my name anyway? I get quite bored these days since I have no friends because I didn’t learn how to be friends with anyone other than my uncle. Another sad thing is that he passed at the beginning of the holidays, just when there is no one else to chat and be with. Two weeks have never felt this long and lonely. Two weeks to go yet, not that I have friends in school.
The house is awfully quiet at nights when the cook is asleep and she goes to bed very early. I refused to move in with my aunt. She is boring and strict and a bad cook. The weeks of holidays I spent with her were always the worst, and she’s always trying to convince me that my “real” mother loved me or loves me. Either or both. Meanwhile, I still have never heard from this mother of mine. Sometimes after one of my aunt’s numerous stories about her, I try to imagine what she looks like.
Oh well, if you want to know more about me, reply to this mail, or any of the previous ones I’ve sent.
February 20
The weekend got busy. I decided to leave the house for the first time since my uncle passed, because, guess what, my aunt — that one I wrote about — she got hitched. Hitched sounds cool, that’s what I heard her friends saying.
Quite frankly, I think the marriage will not last for long. They don’t even look good together; let’s not get into the details.
In your book, you wrote that silence usually means consent, so, in absence of thy reply, I will tell you more about me. I am beautiful and kind and enough. My uncle used to say that a lot when I was much younger, my teacher confirmed it, and I know for myself that it’s true. If you remember and agree with that, you’re welcome to my friend zone. Later we’ll talk about terms for getting into more proximate zones. By the way, you are he who taught me about “more proximate zones” in your book.
As you must have guessed, I have no siblings. At least, none that I know of. But yeah, there exists a certain man and, you already know, a lady, who could be classified as my father and mother for the single reason that that’s what we were taught in Science and Social Studies. My father vanished once he was able to fertilize my mother’s egg. It was really funny when my aunt said it like that, and I didn’t even understand what she meant back then. My mother never held me in her arms, I was also told. She didn’t even look at me. I guess it’s my fault that the only thing I’m capable of, is bringing back to her mind the undesirable memories she has of my father.
That’s all I can tell right now, I’m starting to feel angry and, honestly, they are not worth my anger. What about you? Am I going to find out anything more than your name?
February 22
You seem to be on the quiet side. Do you check your mailbox at all? I want to stop sending you letters, but I think you’re actually reading them, and that means you may just reply one of these days. Or maybe you’re a snub.
Today my neighbours asked me to come with them to the beach. I didn’t even realise that I agreed until they called a couple of hours later telling me to come outside once I was ready, because they were waiting.
For a minute, I was confused. I always said no. I’ve been living here since forever and I have refused all their invitations throughout that time. Do you think something has come over me? Now, I’m sure they’ll soon invite me out again, seeing as it’s getting warmer every day. Should I make this a habit? I mean, I barely played with them, I was lying down and drinking juice the whole time, but when they dropped me off earlier in the evening, they told me they enjoyed my company.
I’ve spent the whole evening wondering if I also had fun, or if I enjoyed their company. I only used to have fun with my uncle before he passed. Most other people were usually boring and I would hang out with them because my uncle had me do that now and then. Like spending a week or two with my aunt every holiday. Sooo, I’m still confused. They are nice people for sure, but I don’t know what to look for in people I consider making friends.
Would you give me some advice? How do I confirm that they’ll make good friends?
February 24
Today, I feel like crap. I’m in pains and my feet are swollen again, I think it’s because of this sickle cell anaemia I have. The medicines they give me work but these pains still come hard occasionally and I cannot understand why. They said people always have the disease for their whole lifetime, so I’m thinking of becoming a doctor and finding the cure. Then I can treat myself and stop taking these medicines.
Anyway, the cook will take me to the doctor soon. When you reply, tell me an anecdote. Two, tell me two.
I think I will go to my boring aunt’s house for the weekend. The cook will tell her and she’ll come to get me tomorrow morning. The cook is my only friend now; her name is Stacey.
February 25
It’s so boring and disorganised here. I knew it, I knew it! Somehow, I forgot to bring along my drawing book or any novel, now I have to play with this nameless dog all day and I still don’t feel very well. He’s so dirty, they can’t even bathe a simple dog! They must have found this dog on the street because this is absurd. I think it’s this man she married. Firstly, my aunt never had pets and that’s great for me because I don’t like pets either. Secondly, my aunt’s house was never this disorganised. And then they’re always quarrelling. Didn’t they just return from their wedding trip? That honeymoon thing. The name is even weird. Is this how adults are supposed to behave?
I need an escape plan. Meanwhile, I will try to reorganise all this mess if I feel stronger in the afternoon. Do you know what I won’t do? I will not bathe that dog. It looks like it’s sick and needs a vet, not me.
I have an idea! I will escape from church tomorrow and find my way home. Coming back to this house is out of the question. I just need this dog to let me rest to make sure I feel better by tomorrow and have enough strength for my escapade. I hope that Stacey cooks something before coming to church. She is usually out visiting friends on Sundays and I’m going to be hungry. I don’t like the kitchen at all, but people say girls need to learn to cook. The confusing thing is that boys eat the most, but seem to have better things to do than cooking. All the same, I will ask Stacey to teach me some kitchen skills.
February 26
I made it! I’m conversant with this path I took home, but I’ve never walked home alone from church, so I thought I would lose my way and never get home. I’m so proud of myself.
My aunt and her husband must be worried by now, but I don’t care. I feel so tired because I stayed up all night wondering about this escape. There were too many horror scenarios finding their way to my mind.
I will try to sleep now. This letter is too short; I’ll send it with the next one.
February 28
I’ve been thinking, it’s been a great two weeks of one-way communication between us. I’ve done all the talking, or writing rather, and I’m finally convinced that I will not hear from you in return. I asked Stacey and she agrees that that’s one good reason to leave you in peace.
I still wish you had replied at least once, just once, that would have made such a difference. Better late than never, you can still reply, the postman will still come daily to drop unnecessary letters. Your letter will make my day whichever day it arrives.
Some days though, I think it’s good you never replied. Maybe I would have found out new things about you that I would come to detest. Maybe you’re unfriendly now, or unkind, or not so wise anymore after all. Maybe not. Probably not. Besides, we would have continued to communicate and I probably would never make new friends. I think I need friends, especially friends my age, if only they won’t talk about boys and cooking all the time.
Your book I’ll keep, thank you. I found it where jewellery was supposed to be. Do you care if I share my copy? It’s the only copy, isn’t it?
Stacey and I brought this last letter in person to you. Your new shiny marble house is adorable, more so with these many flowers all around. I’m sure it’s comfy and I know you like comfy. I hope I can come to visit soon; there must be a way, right?
In any case, I’ll be coming over sooner or later. I hope sooner than later. Consider replying. Tell me what to expect, tell me what it looks like on the inside.
Until then, I will miss you dearly. Good-bye. No, see you soon!
ANNA as in “A.H.N.N.A.”, Nineteen Twenty-One.
